My Life Just Began

                               

                                 

                              30 !!! Will be turning 30 in a day. It is a mystery age. As I sit on my couch and think about all these 30 years, I feel so nostalgic. Many memories Good,bad,wonderful,painful everything that touched my life crossed my mind. Today I realized that every moment I lived is what shaped my life and the moments I existed were just meaningless.

                                As a kid all I knew was to study, play and grow up soon so I can be like my mother. I wanted to look like my mom. So I used to help her in the kitchen, drape Dupatta like a sari, comb like her, sing like her, dance like her and simply I tried to Imitate her. Later as I grew in age , I always wanted to be like my Father. He is my superhero and my First love. I wanted to be Strong like him, to talk like him, to behave like him. I even tried to walk like him. I never knew those imitations would later have a very big influence on me. I feel very proud to say that I Inherited my Mothers loving heart and My Fathers Fight-for-what-you-want Spirit.

                              I finished Schooling with a decent percentage and the next task was to complete Intermediate. It was a very jolly vacation for me. But I have to honestly accept that, Intermediate taught me How people in the real world will be. I felt like a Deer being thrown into a Lions den. Either I become their food or I protect myself. No one is less than a Chameleon. If they need something from you, they will shower you with fake affection. If they have to escape from any blame, they simply point their fingers at you. WOW !!! Amazing people they are. I learnt Less about my subjects in college and more about People and their nature. That is the basic education I received about life.  Undoubtedly the best education I got. Slowly I started adjusting to their colors but I made sure I threw few colors back to them. Why always be at the receiving end when you are capable of giving them the same crap. I followed the same. At that point of time I felt what I did was right. Later I realized, it just made me equal to them. One day my Father told me, “ If you treat people the way they treat you, then what is the difference between you both? Stand away from the crowd and make a place for yourself. Even if you have to stand alone for what is right, then stand alone. People who hurt you will repent and come back to you one day”. This conversation with my dad left a deep impact on me. In a way , it changed the way I think and behave. Thereafter even though my own friends ditched me, backstabbed me, rumored about me… nothing had an effect on me. I preferred to stay away from the sheep herd. Cleared Inter exams with a good percentage and its time for graduation.

                          Graduation is where exactly I learnt what real life is.  Intermediate was just a small circus crowd. But grad college life was like a Carnival and people I came across were more like Oscar award actors. Everyone wears a mask in front of others. In reality they are totally different people. Sometimes I even wondered if I ever knew those people. I never understood how people can cheat their own parents for money, how they can steal their own siblings gold to make cash for their luxuries, how they can use their friends personal life to blackmail them. The biggest blow I had was when my very close friend who used to be with me always, turned against me and rumored about me. Just to hide her mistakes she threw dirt on me to show herself clean before others. I was shattered and broken when I heard people talking about me.This time a conversation I had with my mother boosted my spirits up. She said, “ In life, whatever people speak about you behind your back will never define you. It defines them. Only those whose hands are dirty try to throw dirt on others. If you want to clean it every time they do so, you are just wasting your time. No matter how many times you clean yourself, they keep on throwing. You should be clean only for yourself, not for others. You don’t become ugly just because someone calls you so. You become ugly when you think you are. Never let someone’s words effect you as long as you are right in your way”.

 The best words that laid foundation to my future and the way I handle situations. From then on, there was no turning back. I never cared a jot for what people spoke about me. But the good thing was, whoever rumored about me, came back to me and apologized. That’s my biggest victory I can say.

                                After Grad, I got my Job and that’s a pretty new life. With salary coming my way and friends around, life became so beautiful. Its just like a never ending party. Professional & personal life just rocked . Very soon Marriage bells rang. Life was simply Picture perfect. Every frame was so beautifully designed. I thought life ends the same way. I was totally wrong. Nothing stays forever. Each frame started falling apart. Happiness started fading out. I felt as If I became 60 years old. Everything drifted apart. It was as if some cyclone came and washed my castle away. I had  to deal with the after math. I felt exhausted, crushed, crumbled, defeated, cheated, played and ditched both emotionally & physically. Did not even had the slightest strength to get up. May be I never wanted to get up with the fear that I might not stand again. Everywhere I saw people talking about their family, their children, their jobs & their success. What do I have with me to say about? I am  left with nothing. I lost everything I had. I was once envied a lot for having the worlds happiest life. But now iam nothing less than a laughing stock. One total year I locked up myself in my room. It was just me, my thoughts and my darkness.

                                    Hail.. That’s when I really understood life, my people and my strengths. That’s when LIFE KNOCKED MY DOOR. The false crowd that surrounded me all this while disappeared. Finally I was able to realize and recognize who my people are. I am shocked to the core to see how few people supported me, loved me and protected me in this period. Undoubtedly I can say, Iam rich in life because of such wonderful friends. They filled my life with light when iam in dark. They made me smile when tears were my only companion. They stood by me like rock support. If I am standing today that’s definetly because of their constant efforts. The best thing is they believed in me and my abilities even though I lost belief in  myself.

                                      Finally I gathered the guts to stand on my own. This time I have no fear that I might fall. Because even before I crumble I am so sure I will pick myself up with confidence. Even if I fall I am very sure that I shall rise.  Now I started building my life with every small brick of  lesson that life taught me. I will plaster all the gaps with the experiences I went through. I will colour it with the memories and love of all those wonderful people who brought smile back into my life. Iam in the process of constructing my life. It might take time because even Rome is not built in a day. But im in no hurry. I don’t have to prove myself to anyone. I don’t want to run to make a life. I don’t want to match the Success-o-meter that Society set. I want to just live life the way I want to. I am striving to fulfill my aim and gift  it to my best people. For sure I will succeed one day. Success to me is not what others define or others calculate. Success to me is what I define for myself.

                                     Books give you knowledge but Experiences educate you. In the past 2years I gathered experiences that can last my life time. I remember every one who threw me down, who picked me up, who loved me unconditionally, who supported me and who gave me hope. These lessons will pave the way to my success. Your friends are not those who party with you. Your friends are those who stay back after the party and help you clean the mess. I recognized my people and I can proudly say I got the best people in my life apart from my family. My life is worth them. Their love and support is what gives me the strength to face all the odds even at the darkest hour. In this way, im the most successful person alive. Success is to have your people with you at every walk of life.  And yes… I AM SUCCESSFUL.

                             MY LIFE JUST BEGAN…I AM LIVING IT !!!

Give me some Sunshine, Give me some Rain

Give me another chance, I wanna live it once Again !

Just because I slept with you, doesnot mean I love You !!!!

                                   

                                     The past few days have been very tiring and disturbing for me on professional front. Might be this is a sensitive issue and delicate topic I am going to write about. Might be this is a very bold decision to pen it down. They say “Pen is mightier than Sword”. Let me use my pen to let the world know how this one sentence “Just because I slept with you , doesn’t mean I love you”  can be the cause of someone’s death.

                                      Last week , a lady came to my clinic. She said that her husband is a paralysis patient and asked me if I could come to her house and take a look at his condition. She looked beautiful for her age but I felt there is some pain deep in her heart that her eyes are trying to shed out. Before we could complete the formal talk we reached her house. As we entered the house I felt as if I was entering some mini palace.  Everything in the house reflected the taste of Wealthy people. It is very clear that they are rich in assets. She took me to her husbands room. What I saw just shocked me to the core. I saw a man in his 40’s lying on bed with paralysis and he is staring at a photo in his hands. People do get paralysis these days but not so early in age. Analyzing the situation I felt that there is some problem that made him go under severe stress. I started testing him. By the time tests were over , I came to a conclusion that it was some shocking news that made him paralyzed. Even before I finished my words I could hear sobs. I raised my head to find the lady crying.

                                    She herself started saying “ My husband was a business man. After marriage we went to Hyderabad. My husband did Real estate business and he earned well. We have only one daughter. She was everything to us. She was an Engineering student and her father wanted to send her overseas for further studies too. Being the only child we loved her a lot and we provided her everything even before she asked. Everything was happy in our lives. One day she came home crying. We asked her many times but she did not speak a word. Concerned about her state, my husband called her friends and enquired as of what happened. One of her friend told that my daughter was in love with someone and that must be the issue. We were very worried because we never saw her in tears. Late night she came out of her room and sat beside her father in the sofa and started to speak. She said that she was in love with her classmate. They were very much in love and that closeness and madness in love lead to physical relation between them. To our shock  she revealed that she became pregnant. Out of anger my husband slapped her.  After few minutes passed my daughter continued, I told him that I was pregnant. But what he said killed me emotionally. 

              He said “ Just because I slept with you, doesn’t mean I love you”. It was what all lovers do. I am not going to marry you.” 

Saying these words my daughter broke down. Seeing her plight we both could not control our tears too. That incident changed our lives totally. We tried to calm down our daughter and after sometime she went into her room. We went into our room but none of us slept. The next morning we went to her room to wake her up. We were shocked at what we saw. Our daughter committed suicide by hanging herself. Looking her in that state my husband went into deep shock and got paralysis attack immediately.

My daughter wrote a note “ I slept with you because I loved you” .

By the time she finished telling this I found myself too emotional to speak and being a professional I had to control my tears.  I came out with a very heavy heart.

Is it just this one family that lost their girl for being pregnant before marriage??
Was their girl the only daughter who was cheated in the name of love?
Was she the only girl who shattered after hearing what her lover said??

Many girls are out there in this world who experience such situation. But then if we think , whose fault is this? It is the fault of every girl who allows her guy to take advantage of her. It is the fault of every guy who takes the love of his girl for granted. It is the fault of this generation which thinks Physical relation is the best way to express love. What the hell !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear gentlemen,
If a girl sleeps with you, that means she trusts you as her future.
If a girl lets you touch her, that means she believes you love her.
If a girl shares her bed with you, that means she loves you more than anything else(even her self).
Please don’t misuse her trust. You never know for who’s death you will be the reason because you broke their heart after sleeping with them. You might be happy for now , but for sure in future you will face the worst. A girls tears will never leave you in peace.

Dear wonderful ladies,
If a guy really loves you, he will never try to exploit you or manipulate you to sleep with him.
If a guy really loves you, he will never use you.
And you please don’t send him wrong signals.
You might not know what’s happening to you. Might be you are being the reason for breaking his heart too. Heart break effects both the genders in the same way.
If you cant control your emotions, then don’t expect him to control his emotions.
And above all you never know how you are breaking your parents trust !!!!

He said, “Just because I slept with you, does not mean I love you” .
He just said and was the reason for a girls death and a family’s miserable state.

If you are reading this please just think once. You can never imagine  how emotional burden it will be for a girl to cope up with the aftermath. Not every girl will be able to leave the crap behind and move ahead. And you will never get forgiveness for using a girl for your cheap pleasure in the name of love. Same applies to girls too. Don’t break a guys heart. Even you cant get away with that.

Now my question is :
“Is sleeping with the one you love the only way to let them know you love?” or
“Is that an excuse to get away with your physical desires?”
Think and get an answer for yourself.

I do not want to be a Beggar my whole Life

                                  In life, experience plays a major role in moulding our thoughts and changing our life. In a way, Experience is the Best teacher in one’s Life.  Until we experience few things and until we come across few situations, we always feel that our point of view is correct. Something of that Sort happened to me.

                                 Last Month  I went to Chennai with my Family . From there we visited Vallankani and stayed there for 2 days.  We stayed in a Hotel there.  I saw a boy working in the lobby. I called him and he came. I started asking his details. His name is Manickkam. He is 12 years old. His Father left his Mother and went away with another woman 4 years back. Manickkam has a younger Brother and younger Sister. He is the Eldest son of the Family. 

After listening all this, I asked him “Do you go to school” ?

                        He said, “No Didi, I don’t have time to go to school. But I send my sister and Brother to school. They go regularly”. While saying these words I could see  light in his eyes. He seemed happy .

                       The responsible Citizen in me suddenly awoke. I remembered my Social responsibility. I never encouraged Child Labor. So I decided to tell him that what he is doing is against Law.

                       Then I started talking to  him “Do you know that Child Labor is a Crime? Your Boss can be arrested for employing a kid under 14 years.  And you will be sent to Rescue home if needed? This is an age where you have to enjoy your Childhood and you should go to School not to Work. You should be educated so that you can settle well in your life and take good care of your family. I will help you financially if you want. Now tell me will you go to school from Tomorrow? “

                      He looked at me as if I was an Alien from Wonderland. He took my hand and led me to the near by small Canteen and said “ Didi , what do you like to have. Tea or Coffee? “. I said Tea . He ordered and sat we there. I was confused at the sudden change in his behaviour.

                      He started speaking. I could see various emotions in his face.  He said “ Didi, My father left us when I was 7 years old. We did not have food for almost 10days. We lived by drinking water. My Mother is Physically Handicapped so no one gave her work to do. My sister & Brother cried because of Hunger. But I was helpless. For the first time I went out and started Begging as I want to feed them at any cost. Begging is not so easy Didi. I experienced how people treat Beggars.  People hate Beggars for no reason. And few others Threw a rupee coin on my face.  And few people threw money on road for me to pick up. By evening all I could gather was  only 20 rupees. I gave all the money to my Mother and she cooked for us. For the first time in 10 days we had something to eat. All cries in my home calmed down. But when I tried to sleep that night, I was unable to. All I could remember was the hatred looks and how I was treated. I cried a lot that day. But then I started thinking. Again tomorrow I have to do something to buy food. I had only 2 choices in front of me. Either to Beg again and forget how people treat  me Or To do something and earn Money. Because what I do today, my Sister and Brother will also do the same tomorrow and follow me. I have to show them a way. That night I went to sleep with a firm decision.  Next morning I went to a near by Hotel and asked the owner to give me work. He asked me to clean Tables and utensils. By evening he gave me 25 rupees. And Didi I was very happy and I felt very proud of myself. From that day on I never went for Begging. I only work and Earn money. I send my brother & sister to school.  I take care of my Mother.  Even if I educate myself to get a Job , this is what I will do. I am doing all that now itself. If you want me to study then again I have to go back to Begging to feed my family. Now tell me Didi. What do you want me to do ??? Do you want me to  lose my shame and go on begging OR Do you want me to earn money with my head held high.  I will do whatever you say because no one ever asked me or cared about me like the way you did. No one ever asked me about my life. Tell me and I will follow your advice.”

                             I was shocked to the core. At an age of 12 years all I knew was going to school, playing with Friends and sleeping in Parents Lap. But this boy saw whole life.  And now what should I answer him. All I said was “Manickkam I am so proud of you. You will be my inspiration from now on. I am glad I came to know you. You are already a responsible Son and Brother.  There is nothing I can tell you. You taught me today how to handle situations and how to live Life. Whatever you do, I am so sure you will never bow your head for money.  “

                            I saw a broad smile on his face. For the first time I saw how happy a person can be when he is accepted as he is. Just then Tea came. We both enjoyed for a while and when I was about to pay the Bill  Manickkam winked at me and said , “ Didi, this is my canteen now. With all my 4 years earnings I started this small canteen and my Mother looks after this when I am at work. What if no one gave work to my Mother, I gave her a Canteen of her own.” 

                           Tears of happiness flowed from my eyes and I hugged him. It was the best moment in recent times for me.

                            Now my million Dollar question is

 “ Should we allow Child Labor or Should we encourage Child Begging?”

Who is your punching Bag

                                          I spend my leisure time in reading books. Recently I read a book on  “Child Psychology” . I enjoyed reading it . But then suddenly a chapter made me think.

                           Rohan  is a  7 year all rounder.  Recognizing his talent in boxing,  his father enrolls him in a Boxing Academy for training. He also gifts Rohan a punching bag to practice at home. Days pass on and Rohan gets too busy with school and boxing practice.  His parents give him everything that he asks for.  He hardly has any free time to spend with his parents. He gets too tired that he can’t even concentrate on his studies. Gradually his scores drop.  As he is unable to spend time with his parents , a relation that has to be between them starts missing. Teachers and Parents start worrying about his education.  When his parents question him or  teachers confront him , Rohan silently walks into his room closes the door behind him and starts punching the boxing bag as long as his anger doesn’t  subside.  Once his anger calms down , then he becomes normal.  This becomes his routine.

                            Rohan couldn’t take the blame on himself for his failure.  So he starts showing his anger on the punching Bag and takes out his frustration.

                            Isn’t it the same with us ??? 

When  we fail to deliver the work we are assigned …

When we can’t accept reality …

When we can no more bear the burden of failure…

When we realize that our mistake is going to cost others…

When our life is full of confusion..

When we are stuck in the middle of something very important and unable to decide..

When we don’t know what is going on in our life…..

When we know that we are no where near our destination …

When our dreams  are shattered …

                                   Then we start blaming others for our failures.  We start accusing others for our situation.  We take out our frustration on them. We show our anger on them.  We point our fingers at them.  We show someone else as the reason for our failures. In a way , we choose someone as our punching bag for that moment.  Don’t we???  Yes, we do…Everyone does the same.   And most of the times our punching bags are our parents and the ones who love us.  We punch them as much as we can with our words and actions and then try to compensate with a  simple “Sorry”.

                Now the question is  “ Is Rohan behaving like an adult or are we behaving like Kids ?”      .   

                                  

                   We are very comfortable using others  as our punching bags. But can we really afford to be someone’s punching bag?  When we can’t take someone’s anger then how can we show our frustrations on them ?  IF IT HURTS US…THEN IT WOULD HURT OTHERS TOO !!!

             You are not a strong person when you lift weights in the gym. You are strong and a matured person when you  take responsibility  for everything you do. 

                       

             Be the master  of  your own emotions …not a slave !!!

             

Relation or Religion ???? What is your Choice?

                                      

                                        We never know the reason we meet certain people in our lives..  A few minutes with them will bring in a big change in the way we live and the way we think. May be we are destined to meet them so that we get a better picture about life.

                                         Few days back I have been to a hospital for a check up. I was waiting for my turn. A man in his eighties entered the hospital with a tensed look. He looked so tired.  Looking at his long white beard and white cap on his head one can easily recognize him as a Muslim. He went to the reception and asked the nurse when would the doc come.  The nurse replied that he might be there in 20 minutes and asked him to give his details to write an opt card. He told the nurse that his wife was sick and he brought her to hospital and gave her details. The nurse asked him to get her in so that she could check her B.P and temperature. But surprisingly  he said, “ She can’t sit too long in a chair. I will stay here until doctor comes and then I will bring her when you call her name” . Nurse became impatient and told him very harshly  “Bring her immediately as I have to check her B.P”. He went to bring his wife. I was watching all this and I felt “lucky is his wife who has such a caring husband”. 5 minutes later he walked in holding a woman in his arms. For a moment everyone present in the lobby were confused. The woman wore Sindoor on her forehead and she was a Hindu. I was curious to know their story. Luckily she sat beside me and nurse checked her B.P and Temperature.

                                    I smiled and asked what happened to her health.  She said her she is  Rajamma and last month she underwent a spinal cord surgery.  Because of which  she cannot sit for long time.  I asked her if the man who brought her inside,  holding her is her husband. She shyly replied “Yes”.  Observing the confusion and surprise on my face She continued “ His name is Salim. We lived in the same street. We fell in love. But  I am a Hindu and he is a Muslim. When our parents came to know about our love affair I was house arrested for 2 months. He was sent to his relatives place.  In those 2 months I was confident that our love wouldn’t fade away. I knew one day we would be together. I was emotionally blackmailed. My parents said they would either kill themselves or kill me If I ever spoke to him. He was also tortured by his relatives that Muslims should marry only Muslims and they will not spare any girl from other religion entering their family.This went on for 2 months. After that  he came to his parents house one day.  We met that evening and we only had 15 minutes in our hands to decide our future. We realized that even though there was no communication for 2 months , we still believed each other and our love only grew. And that very moment we decided “ RELATIONSHIP  BINDS TWO HEARTS..NOT RELIGION”.  So we ran from there and got married the next day. From then on families of both sides kept on cursing us every time we tried to contact them.  But all these years there was never a moment where we regretted getting married.  Our love for each other has grown day after day”. 

 I asked her “What religion do your children follow?”

She smiled and said “Love is the religion of my family” .

Just then the nurse called her in and her husband came, held her in his hands and helped her walk.  The love they had was so real. I had tears by the time she finished her story.

                                         Isn’t this a condition of many people in our society? “ United in Love But Separated by Religion”.  Honor killings, religious outrages and many more just to divide 2 people who love each other. 

                                        Why should it always be “Relation Or Religion”.

                                        Why cannot it be “Relation & Religion” ???

                                        At the end of the day only Relation gives you memories. Relation gives you happiness. Relation adds life to your living.  Religion is what you are Born into. Every religion teaches the same thing “To be Human & to love”. Then why can’t we accept people from another religion into our families?   You follow certain Religion because you are born in it. But does that mean we have to sacrifice a relation for religion??  Next time if such question arises to me  I will definitely remember this couple who taught me “ Love is also a Religion”.

                                     Let Religion guide you the way you have to live. Let Religion teach you what is good & what is Bad.  But don’t let Religion dictate and decide  your life & happiness.

                                     Remember, When you die and enter your grave “ Religion will not mourn your loss nor will it remember you.. Only Relation will” !!!!!!

Happiness alone is the key to success..............

Yesterday an old friend of mine called me after almost 6 months. His name is Ajay and we were friends since my Intermediate days. After talking to him I realized how much times have changed. Jay is an average student in college while I was a bright student. Most of the times during weekly tests and monthly tests he used to copy from my papers and walk out of the room as soon as possible. I always wondered why he has to run from exam so soon. And most of the time he didn’t even attend classes. Later he told me that he was in love with our Junior and he was busy enjoying the time with her. I being the studious one always used to scold him for wasting his time on love and not on studies. Unlike other boys of our class he never smoke nor drank. So I had a good impression on him. Well days passed so soon and Intermediate exams were over too. I cleared the exam with decent percentage while Ajay ended up failing in 2 subjects. I joined in my Bachelors degree and Ajay cleared the exams in the next supplementary. We lost contact as in those days cellphones were not still in use. In the meantime I was busy with new life and completed my bachelors degree too and got a job in Hyderabad and moved to the city with high hopes and aspirations. Not just me but many of my friends thought that I would end up being highly successful because of my academic scores and my hardworking nature. I joined my job. One day I got a call from my Intermediate friend saying that a GET TOGETHER was arranged and invited mi. went there met my old friends after many years and I met Ajay too. Jay married the girl he loved and was happily settled in Hyderabad. He said that he was working as a Manager in a Resort and drew a 6 figure salary. I felt very happy for him as he had everything that he wanted.

                             

                                Then I realized that "Success is not the key to Happiness. Instead Happiness is the key to success! Yet again 3 years passed from that day. Many things changed and above all Life turned upside down. Am now struggling with my dreams and trying hard to build my future the way I want it to. Yesterday Ajay called me. Now he is in a high post in a company and he has people working under him. He’s been blessed with a baby boy recently. He asked  me what’s going on with my life. After listening to everything about me he said, “Puppy, you were with me when I was no one. Today  I am in a good position where I can help you come out of all your problems. I will make sure you get placed in the best job. Send me your CV". I felt happy for his words as very few remember who helped them in their past.

                              But my approach towards life is different. I am not in need of a job that will give me salary to live. Am in search of a living that gives me peace of mind and happiness. As of now I am working hard to pursue my dream of establishing a old age home. I may succeed or I may not. I am doing what gives me satisfaction and I am happy doing it. Ajay did the same. He spent his time with his love instead of books. Because he was sure that he wanted that girl to be his future. The only moral is "If you want to be happy, never compare with others".

And I realized that “Just because they don’t walk in your way doesn’t mean they are not happy. Everyone has a different meaning for happiness"